Categories
Homelessness Nonfiction

Neither Sex Nor Drugs.

While it was happening I recognized that it didn’t look great.

My outreach colleague was driving and slowed down. After rolling down my passenger side window, she leaned over and shouted a name.

The Woman she was shouting at was walking on the sidewalk towards us. Her stiletto knee-high boots were the same color as her miniskirt. The bustier did not fully cover her waist. Bright eyeliner and false eyelashes made her eyes pop. The purse slung over her shoulder swung with each confident step she took.

The Woman didn’t hear my colleague, so I shouted the same name out the window. She turned and took a few steps towards the car. I pointed at the driver. The Woman smiled in recognition, revealing many missing teeth, and came to talk with us through the window.

It could have looked like we were negotiating money for sex.

“I’ve been looking for you,” my colleague said, turning on the emergency lights. “I have a lot of mail for you.”

The Woman and my colleague discussed meeting at the office so she could get her letters. A toothless smile again bloomed on The Woman’s face as she blurted out, “Oh! I haven’t used fentanyl in 14 days!”

Dear reader, I had no idea who this person was; I just met her. That didn’t stop me from bursting into applause. I was the only one clapping. It was a reason to celebrate! She beamed.

“Where are you staying now?” my colleague asked after congratulating her.

“I live in That Neighborhood now,” The Woman said. “Near That Street and That Avenue. There’s a hole in the fence near that intersection. Go through that hole and a little further back through the trees, and you’ll find me there.”

Through a fence and then on a dirt path in stiletto heels!

Don’t judge a book by its cover.

Categories
Homelessness Nonfiction Policy

The Man in the Tiny Village.

Almost 30 minutes had passed, but The Man was still standing outside in the grey morning chill. His soiled tee shirt and loose pants hung from his tall frame. Over the next few minutes, he rarely shifted his feet while staring at a distant point on the ground.

“Hi,” I greeted again. He did not move.

“I’m worried about you,” I offered, hoping for any sign of acknowledgment. None came.

It no longer feels uncomfortable to talk to someone who doesn’t respond. Remember the people in the ICU, their bodies puffy from inflammation and fluid, their respiratory tubes hissing with each mechanical breath? Or the young men tucked into the corners of their jail cells, their heads cradled in their slender arms? Or the people so preoccupied with voices only they heard, their unblinking eyes quivering?

“I’m going to prescribe medicine for you. The goal is to help you think better. I’ll ask the staff to remind you about it. I hope you’ll try it, but if you don’t want to take it, that’s fine. I’ll see you again soon.”

His gaze remain fixed on the ground.

“It’s cold outside. Go back in,” I said. He stirred and mumbled something.

“Go back inside,” I repeated, pointing and taking a step towards his Tiny House. After a beat, he lifted a leg and meandered back to his unit.


Tiny Villages are clusters of small wooden structures, called Tiny Houses. A Tiny House is less than 100 square feet, so most people have only a bed and a storage rack inside. Each unit has heat and electricity, along with at least one window. The door locks. Outside of the two dozen or so Tiny Houses are shared bathrooms, an enclosed kitchen and dining area, plus covered laundry facilities. The houses are usually painted in bright colors. Residents often add personal touches to the small area in front of their house: Wild flowers in small pots; stickers and signs; sometimes inflatable yard decorations. Surrounding the entire Tiny Village is a wood or chain-link fence. Visitors must check in before they enter the front gate.

Village staff had introduced me to The Man about an hour earlier. When The Man opened the door to his Tiny House, the stench of body odor rushed out. For nearly five minutes he stood in the doorway and looked around at the ground. His face was scrunched up in confusion while he mumbled under his breath.

With repeated coaxing we got him out of the morning chill and into a Tiny Office. He didn’t talk to me; he instead talked with someone that only he could see. While seated in the folding chair he laughed, made animated gestures, and muttered about truth and lies. I ended our time together. We all exited the office.

Village staff pulled me aside to tell me more about The Man: Just a few months ago he was able to have a coherent conversation. Before moving into the Tiny House, he lived in a trailer. Before that, he worked in warehouses and lived in an apartment. Alcohol overuse led to problems at work and dismissals. Now he smoked methamphetamine once in a while. Other people in the Tiny Village were worried about his wellbeing, too.

It was when I was leaving the Tiny Village that I saw that The Man was still standing outside. Had he been there, motionless, for almost 30 minutes?


The medications came in a bubble pack, each row marked with the date. One pill for each day, at any time of day, for one week.

On day one, The Man popped a tablet out of its bubble, then swallowed it. Nothing changed.

The e-mail I received a week later contained exclamation points: The Man took the medicine most days that week! He was making more sense! He wanted to take more medication!

Of course I obliged.


The next time I saw him, his unit still didn’t smell fresh. However, he immediately came out and walked with us to the office.

“I’m sorry for having an attitude when we last talked,” he offered. I shook my head; he didn’t need to apologize. What he thought was an “attitude” was actually symptoms of psychosis.

When I asked him what was happening when we last spoke, he replied, “I was annoyed. People kept talking to me.”

“Who?”

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “I don’t want to snitch on them…”

I waited. He looked up, took a breath, and continued.

“… but I hear them all the time, 24/7, on and off, it doesn’t matter.” He shared that he had been hearing those voices since he was a kid. “Sometimes I want to tear them apart, I get so annoyed.”

What did he think of the medication? “It helps me ignore them better. When I get annoyed I take it, so I’ll take two a day.”

I nodded serenely. Thank The Universe that nothing harmful happened with his doubling of the dose!

As our time together came to a close, I asked, “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

A moment passed. He scratched his head. He then quietly asked, “Is there anything that can help me stop using meth?”


When we bring services to where people are, they can make great gains in building the lives they want to lead.

I was worried that, because of The Man’s symptoms, we would have to tread down the road of involuntary treatment. But, the interventions and support of the team prevented this. We avoided the circus of the police and medics coercing him into an ambulance. He escaped the chaos of waiting in an emergency department while restrained to a gurney. Residing in a Tiny Home is not an ideal living situation, but at least he was able to keep the freedoms there that are absent in a psychiatric hospital.

In addition to preserving his dignity, these interventions saved costs throughout the system. First responders were freed up to attend to other emergencies. Because The Man never went to the emergency department, he never received an ambulance or hospital bill. All together that would have summed in the thousands of dollars.


This man, like the women described here, was homeless. Like them, he did not contribute to crime and disorder on America’s streets. He was not a safety threat.

Who was truly unsafe: Us, or him?

Categories
Nonfiction Reflection Seattle

How About Those Mariners?

In January of 2024, I made a deliberate choice to be a Baseball Fan. There were two reasons behind this:

  • My spouse is a lifelong baseball fan and I wanted to be a better spouse. We had gone to a few games when his team was in town to play the Seattle Mariners, but my appreciation was limited to “vibes” only.
  • Someone I loved very much was disintegrating. Cheering a baseball team was a socially acceptable way to shout and channel my heartache in public.

I had choices to make, though: Do I invest my enthusiasm in my spouse’s team? In their pinstripes they have won the most number of World Series (and reminds everyone of it). Or do I dedicate my ardor to the team that has never been to the World Series, the Seattle Mariners?

Dear reader, you already know who got my vote. The West Coast is the Best Coast.


A sponge for learning, I asked many questions during my 2024 baseball education. Once I understood what “starting rotation” meant, what made the Mariner pitchers so effective? Why does “Wins Above Replacement” matter? What does “On-base Plus Slugging” represent? Why did Ty France get hit by pitch so much? Teams can designate players for assignment just like that???

My spouse’s eyes never rolled out of his head, though that would have been a reasonable response to some of my questions. Every morning I read the SB Nation site for the Mariners, Lookout Landing. I announced my burgeoning interest in baseball to other Mariners fans. They all looked at me with some amount of pity.

In our 2024 Christmas card I commented that my choice to become a fan of the Seattle Mariners was a mistake. I now understood the shirt I had seen around town: A trident, to represent the Mariners, and the text, “Maybe next year!


Before the baseball season started in 2025, the person I loved very much died. As the year unfolded, wars continued, injustice ascended, ethics eroded. Cheering a baseball team is a socially acceptable way to redirect the energies of grief and anger in public.

My investment in the Seattle Mariners grew. This culminated in the sheer amount of kilojoules I spent this week on this team, which is now the American League West champion! This hasn’t happened in 24 years.

Furthermore, our humble catcher, Cal Raleigh, made home run history, both as a catcher and as a switch hitter. (His nickname is “The Big Dumper”. Have you seen the size of his butt?)

This has prompted questions about identity:

  • I didn’t grow up in a baseball household. (Basketball came first, then football.)
  • I historically have found baseball boring.
  • Could fans of America’s pastime look like me?
  • Am I now one of those people who can spout random facts about baseball?

Dear reader, the answer to all those questions is yes. That’s super weird.


As the Seattle Mariners crested towards the end of the season, baseball became a laboratory of communication.

I previously envied the way men who did not know each other could immediately engage in energetic conversations about sports. Sometimes it seemed like they had known each other for years.

What I noticed now, though, was the increasing amount of communication — particularly in the form of text messages — solely about baseball. Practically all these people are good friends I have known for years. There are real tragedies happening in their lives: parents who are deteriorating; pets dying; friends with conditions that elude treatment; people losing their jobs.

Meanwhile, they send messages acknowledging Cal Raleigh’s 60th home run.

How are they themselves doing? No comment.


I don’t know if it’s true that, because of my professional training, it is easier for me to have in-depth conversations with people. Do I have skills to create conditions so people will be more likely to share sensitive personal information with me? I hope so, but I don’t actually know.

It’s true: Talking about baseball is easier than talking about hopes, fears, dreams, and loss. It’s natural to avoid delving into more meaningful topics. We fear how others will react to our vulnerabilities, to the soft spots we keep covered to prevent bruises from the outside world.

The thing is, we’re often our own harshest critics. Our good friends aren’t umpires. They’re not calling balls and strikes on us. They are instead in the dugout or on deck, admiring our approaches to the plate.


But let me be honest: Have I already forgotten the reasons why I chose to become a Baseball Fan? Weren’t there thoughts and emotions I sought to shun? I couldn’t escape anticipatory grief. The crying was exhausting. Wasn’t I looking for a healthy yet avoidant way to cope?

So, here’s to the 2025 Seattle Mariners. May their success continue. May they go to (and win!) the World Series. May they continue to be a bright spot amid the challenges we all have in our small lives and big communities.

Categories
Homelessness Nonfiction Policy Public health psychiatry

Who is Actually Unsafe?

Before she and I reached the gate in the chain-link fence, a man approached us from the opposite direction. A hoodie shaded his face and his hands were in his pockets.

When she and I got closer, we waved first, all smiles. This was intentional. Hello! We are harmless, but we are paying attention!

He slowed down and pulled the hoodie off of his head, revealing the AirPods in his ears and a tentative smile on his face.

He and my colleague started greeting each other at the same time. She deferred to him.

“I’m just out for a walk,” he said. The accent in his voice revealed that English was not his first language.

“So are we,” my colleague said. This was a lie.

“Oh,” he said, his face now soft and kind. “A worker, a government worker, told me yesterday to be careful when walking here. He said that there are dangerous people back there”—he pointed to the area behind the chain-link fence—“people who are homeless.”

“Oh, okay, thanks,” we replied. His intentions were kind; he was looking out for us. He continued on to the parking lot. 

When we arrived at the gate in the chain-link fence, we ignored the sign posted on it: DO NOT CROSS.



Despite years of doing homeless outreach, I still feel my heart beat a little faster and my shoulders tense a bit whenever I approach an encampment. It doesn’t matter if it’s tucked in a wooded area, under a freeway, or behind a building.

Nothing dangerous has ever happened to me when I’ve outreached more remote locations. Sites where I have been at risk of injury were almost all public places with plenty of people milling about, or in spaces where people are literally locked in.

I don’t ignore my anxiety—our emotions are sources of information—but continue to wonder how much of my unease is due to stigma.


She and I followed the worn footpath through the overgrown grass and were soon under a canopy of leafy trees. On one branch hung a jacket that had been singed by fire. As we approached the underpass, the vegetation receded. A small river was on one side; on the other was a slope of rocks and loose dirt that led up to the concrete base of the road.

A small tent was closer to the river. A larger structure was tucked further away, just underneath the roadway. Old clothing, food wrappers, worn blankets, and other detritus were scattered about, evidence of people who were once there. Maybe they had moved on?

We saw no signs of life.

“Outreach!” my colleague called out. The rumbling of the cars overhead muffled her voice.

The small tent shifted back and forth; we heard rustling sounds.

“Outreach, hello?” my colleague called to the small tent.

“Yes, I’m coming out,” a tired voice responded. Within a few minutes, the person inside unzipped the door flap. A young woman wearing a soiled sweatshirt adorned with the name of a law school peered out. Her face was thin and her limbs were slender.

She didn’t need anything, but accepted some snacks and water. She wasn’t the one we were looking for. We wondered if she had seen The Person?

“Yeah, from time to time,” she replied. “She might be up there.”

After thanking her, we plodded through the soft dirt and climbed over wobbling rocks to the larger structure. A multi-gallon clear barrel in front of the tent was about half full of water. Nearby were piles of blankets and clothes.

The tent was wide open. There were no blankets, sleeping bags, or pillows inside. At the back of the tent was The Person. She was sleeping directly on a tarp.


The Person is not well, but aside from sleeping underneath a road, she breaks no laws. She mumbles and often says things that only she understands. In stores she quickly picks up what she wants and pays with cash and coins. 

As far as we know, she’s lived outdoors for years. And now she is over 60 years old.


These two women are homeless, but they do not contribute to crime and disorder on America’s streets. They are not safety threats.

Who is truly unsafe: Us, or them?

Categories
Reflection

Words Have Meaning.

Shortly after I learned of the murder of Charlie Kirk, I thought of the manifesto from People Reluctant To Kill for an Abstraction. George Saunders wrote it in 2004:

Last Thursday, my organization, People Reluctant To Kill for an Abstraction, orchestrated an overwhelming show of force around the globe.

At precisely 9 in the morning, working with focus and stealth, our entire membership succeeded in simultaneously beheading no one. At 10, Phase II began…

It’s true. Millions of people around the world, despite whatever grievances they hold, somehow refrain from killing other people. Most people go through their entire lives without murdering a single person! If only this could be true for all people.

Since the world began, we have gone about our work quietly, resisting the urge to generalize, valuing the individual over the group, the actual over the conceptual, the inherent sweetness of the present moment over the theoretically peaceful future to be obtained via murder.


Do we all agree that words have meaning? Jamelle Bouie comments:

It is sometimes considered gauche, in the world of American political commentary, to give words the weight of their meaning. As this thinking goes, there might be real belief, somewhere, in the provocations of our pundits, but much of it is just performance, and it doesn’t seem fair to condemn someone for the skill of putting on a good show.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) uses this triangle as a model for our minds:

(from Beacon)

We can’t read minds, but we can infer what people are thinking about through their speech. Thoughts influence feelings and behaviors—and not just in ourselves, but in those who listen to what we say.

To be clear, no one deserves to be murdered because of what they say.

It is also true, though, that the words we use have the power to unite or divide, to cultivate love or hate. don Miguel Ruiz notes, “The first and most important of The Four Agreements is be impeccable with your word” because:

The word, as a symbol, has the magic and power of creation because it can reproduce an image, an idea, a feeling, or an entire story in your imagination. Just hearing the word horse can reproduce an entire image in your mind. That’s the power of a symbol.

We can cast magical spells with our words. How do you want to use the power of your words? What emotions or behaviors might manifest from the spells you cast?


Brian Kilmeade of Fox News cast a vile spell earlier this week in advocating that mentally ill homeless people should be executed:

Jones was talking on “Fox & Friends” on Wednesday about public money spent on trying to help homeless people and suggested that those who didn’t accept services offered to them should be jailed.

“Or involuntary lethal injection, or something,” Kilmeade said. “Just kill ‘em.”

Should Kilmeade be killed for making this obscene remark? No.

If we believe words are thoughts embodied, then we must believe that these words have meaning and can manifest in behaviors. What we say can affect what we and others do.

This is why we hold Kilmeade and all others who make hateful comments accountable for what they say. We will not repeat the mistake that Kilmeade made: We will recognize the humanity of all people, including him. One of the best ways we can humanize other people is to believe they meant what they said, even if we don’t agree with it. What Kilmeade said is abhorrent.

Millions of people around the world, despite whatever grievances they hold, somehow refrain from talking about killing other people. Many people go through their entire lives without talking about murdering a single person! If only this could be true for everyone.