Category: Nonfiction

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Nonfiction Observations Reflection

Sea Lions.

The sun was beginning its ascent into the sky, though it had yet to peek over the horizon. An occasional harbor seal poked its round head through the surface of the dark water in the marina. The twinkling stars overhead were starting to fade.

Dozens of sea lions were piled on top of the rocky pier. The males, some weighing close to 700 pounds, barked and snarled at each other. A loud splash occasionally cut through the din when, during a quarrel, one of them fell into the water.

My friend and I walked along the platform. The wood planks creaked under our weight as we followed the path back to the shore. We spied a sea otter, curled up and snoozing, at one end of the dock.

My friend stopped walking.

“What?” I asked.

He pointed. My gaze followed his finger through the purple darkness.

Not six feet away from us on the pier was a heap of eight or nine sea lions. The smaller ones were farther away from the main walkway. A blubbery male, teeth showing and head raised, was seated on the platform. He was looking at us.

“What if he attacks us?” my friend whispered.

Some of the other sea lions turned their heads and cast a wary eye upon us. The corpulent male guarding his tribe barked. My friend leaned back into me.

“He won’t attack us. They eat fish,” I reasoned.

“That thing weighs like 700 pounds,” he said. “He could crush us.”

The distance between the fleshy sea lion and the other edge of the platform was about three feet. There was no other way back to the shore.

“Just don’t make eye contact and keep walking,” I said.

He didn’t move. Shrugging, I slipped around my friend, kept my eyes down, and walked past the bulky creatures. My fingers could have patted their heads; their flippers could have smacked me into the water.

When I was about eight feet past the sea lions, I heard hasty footfalls behind me. My friend, unscathed by the animals, appeared by my side.

“That was scary,” he murmured.

“They could have eaten us!” he exclaimed once we were on shore. “They weigh a lot! Did you know that sea lions can run on land faster than humans can? Can you imagine a 700-pound sea lion tackling you? Into the water?”

“But they don’t eat humans. And we weren’t going to fight him for that dock or his clan.”

After a few moments of silence, he said, “You’re brave. You walked by them as if they weren’t there.”

I wondered about this later. My friend is not timid, nor is he nervous. Why did the sea lions rattle him so much?

The construction workers across the street shouted at me.

“Hey baby! Wanna gimme some sugar tonight?”

He was sitting on the stoop when I walked by.

“Konichiwa. An nyoung. Ni hao,” he called. “You speak one of those, right, honey? How do you say ‘I love you’?”

While I was waiting to cross the street, he came up to me and said, “You’re pretty. You’re pretty. You’re really pretty. Asian woman, you’re pretty.”

He waved at me from across the room. “Hey, doc! Do you do sex therapy? I want to learn more about that… from you.”

Of course. I am a woman, he is a man. What have I done in the past when I got attention I didn’t want, when I wanted to disappear?

“Just don’t make eye contact and keep walking.”

Categories
Nonfiction Observations Reflection

Michael.

Everyone noticed him before we boarded the plane. He asked the airline representative at least three times to confirm that he had a seat. He looked like an adult, but the tone of his voice was that of a child.

“Yes, you have a seat, Michael. It’s 7B.”

Grey cargo pants covered his short legs. The sleeves of his striped polo shirt collected below his elbows, making his arms look even shorter and his hands even smaller. His neck hid inside his collar. His fingers were short and thick. His glasses magnified the creases in his eyelids. Because his nose was flat, it made his mouth look wide.

The elderly man in the aisle seat had asked the flight attendant to stow his cane. Wrinkles burrowed into his forehead and surrounded his eyes. They revealed a lifelong habit of frowning. The elderly man heaved a sigh of resignation when Michael took the seat between him and me.

Michael sat down with conviction, then stood up and adjusted the nozzle so more air blew into his face. After sitting down again with resolve, he picked up the seat belt.

“What is this?” he asked, his fingers poking the thick padding. When no one responded, he turned to me and said, “This isn’t a normal seat belt. It’s weird.”

As other passengers filed past us, he greeted every third or fourth person.

“Hi! Hi!” He thrusted his arm forward across the lap of the elderly man. Without realizing what they were doing, many people found themselves shaking his hand.

“Hello! My name is Michael! Who are you going to see? I’m going to see my dad. He bought my plane ticket for me.”

“Oh… that’s nice.”

The elderly man sat back, leaned away from Michael, and sighed.

Michael turned off his cell phone. Turning to me, he saw me send a text message.

“You’re supposed to turn off your phone, like this, see?” He waved his phone at me like it was a baby rattle.

Shortly after the plane took flight, Michael reached his hand in front of my face and pulled down the window shade.

“Too bright,” he said as he looked back at the television.

The flight was about two and half hours long. Twice, Michael announced to the elderly man, “I need to use the bathroom.” The elderly man said nothing, pushed himself out of his seat with his arms, and stood in the aisle with sorrow on his face as Michael ambled his way to the lavatory.

When the pilot announced that we were approaching our destination, Michael reached over, grunted, and pulled the shade up halfway. Through the double-paned window we saw the Pacific ocean, its waves rolling towards the coast in a never-ending parade. A squadron of pelicans glided over the water. Small boats left frothing white wakes atop the blue-green swells.

Michael reached over again and pulled the shade up a little more. We both continued to look out the window.

When the plane arrived at the gate, Michael bolted out of his seat, reached over the elderly man, popped open the overhead bin, and pulled down his backpack.

“I’m going to see my dad!” he announced.

An airport attendant boarded the plane and called Michael’s name. He raised his hand with the enthusiasm of a child who wants to answer a question first.

“I’m Michael!” he said. “Are you going to walk with me off the plane?”

I saw Michael a few minutes later outside the terminal and witnessed his reunion with his father. His father did not share physical characteristics with Michael; Down syndrome is not heritable.

They hugged each other and both smiled with joy. The extra copy of chromosome 21 did not diminish the love father had for son.

“How was your flight?”

“It was great,” Michael said. They began to walk away together, his father’s arm holding Michael close to him.

We judge ourselves by our intentions, but we judge others by their actions.[1. This quote is attributed to several different people, including Andy Andrews, Stephen Covey, and Ian Percy.] For people with overt disabilities or deformities, we are more forgiving of their behaviors because we are more charitable about their intentions.

Why do we not do the same for those people whose deformities or disabilities are not visible?

Categories
Education Medicine Nonfiction Observations Systems

Who Works at a Hospital?

Who works at a hospital? (Again, just indulge me for now.)

Doctors. If you’re a patient at a teaching hospital, this includes medical students (people in school to become doctors), interns and residents (people who have earned the title of “doctor”, but who are still learning their craft), and attendings (people who have completed their formal training as physicians). If you’re not at a teaching hospital, it’s less likely you’ll see medical students and other trainees (the army of white coats tromping through the hallways). Instead, you’ll see lone attending physicians.

Nurses. Nurses play vital roles in patient care; without them, hospitals simply would not work. Nurses arguably spend the most time with patients. They monitor and observe patients around the clock. As a result, they’re often the first to realize that something has changed and thus have the responsibility to do something about it.

There are different kinds of nurses, such as registered nurses, licensed practical nurses, and certified nursing assistants. Their roles differ in terms of their training, skill sets, and responsibilities, but they all serve to observe and monitor patients and their conditions.

Therapists. Not the talky kind. There are respiratory therapists, speech therapists, physical therapists, and occupational therapists. They focus on skills and function: How can we help this patient walk? How can we help this patient talk with less difficulty? How can we retrain the muscles in this patient’s hand so he can write again?

Technicians. Radiology technicians, pharmacy technicians, surgical technicians, electroencephalogram technicians, patient care technicians… the list is long. They assist other professionals in the hospital in their duties and may have more contact with patients that the professionals themselves.

Consider an ultrasound technician. A physician may order the ultrasound, but it is the technician who will explain to the patient what an ultrasound is and perform the procedure. A radiologist will interpret the results.

A special note about patient care technicians (PCTs): These individuals often spend the most time with patients and are often a treasure trove of data for nurses and physicians. If you are a physician working in a hospital, make a point of talking with the PCTs. They’re the ones who will know if the patient slept, went to a procedure, has a change in mental status, etc.

Janitorial staff. These individuals have one of the most important jobs in the hospital: They help with hospital-wide infection control. They help prevent people from getting more sick. If you work in a hospital, thank a janitor today for what they do.

Clerical staff. This includes the clerks who serve as receptionists for the hospital units (not an easy job: imagine juggling phone calls from patients, managing the anxiety of family members of patients, paging physicians multiple times because they don’t call back…), hospital operators, all the people working in medical records, and the staff who work with the hospital administrators. Hospitals generate a lot of data. Someone has to help manage and organize all that data.

Information technology staff. Electronic health records now hold patient information. The networks fails. The mouse doesn’t work. There aren’t enough terminals. Someone can’t remember their password. The radiology images aren’t showing up. The orders didn’t go through. The IT department gets a lot of pressure to get it all right.

Food services staff. There are all the people who cook hospital meals, transport and deliver the meals to each patient, and wash the leftover dishes. These people also prepare the food in the hospital cafeteria, which feeds the rest of us who are well enough to get it on our own.

People want to eat and they want to eat food that tastes good. In the hospital it is hard to please all of the people all of the time.

Environmental services staff. These are the plumbers, electricians, HVAC experts, etc. who make sure that the electricity stays on, that there are backup generators available, that the water temperatures are satisfactory, that the ambient temperatures are within a certain range, that the windows seal tight, etc. If the building doesn’t “work”, then the hospital doesn’t work.

Pharmacy staff. I don’t know how many thousands of medications are available, but the pharmacy takes care of all of them. Whether they are amazing antibiotics that will drip through an IV or cartons of chicken soup (yes, doctors can order chicken soup), the pharmacy takes all of those orders and fills them. They ensure that medications are available in every single hospital unit and prepare medications for patients to take with them when they leave the hospital. And they have to make sure that they fill the right drug at the right dose at the right time for the right person.

There are many more people who work in hospitals; I do not omit them willfully. We often take for granted all the people who make a hospital work.

If you are a patient (or someone visiting a patient) in a hospital, I encourage you to thank all the people who have helped you. Hospital staff appreciate hearing that and want to know that their actions made a difference.

If you work in a hospital (especially physicians), I encourage you to thank your colleagues, particularly those who have a completely different job from yours. They are doing something to help you do your work. Let them know that you appreciate it.

Next time: The “rules” of the hospital.

Categories
Education Lessons Medicine Nonfiction Observations Reflection

Cancer.

As a fourth year medical student I did my “sub-internship” in oncology. I hoped that this rotation would help me choose what specialty to pursue: internal medicine or psychiatry.

One of “my” patients was a woman with breast cancer that had spread to her liver and lungs. Fluffy brown hair fell to her shoulders. Wrinkles surrounded her puffy eyes that held jade green irises. Though she was in pain, she was patient and kind.

On the evening of her second day in the hospital, I came to her room and asked if there was anything else we could help with that day. Her pale, thin lips stretched into a sad smile.

“No, thank you,” she answered. “Have a good night.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said.

She was sleeping when I saw her the next morning, though awoke without a startle when I said her name. She kept her eyes closed as I placed the cool, metal diaphragm of the stethoscope on her chest and back. She murmured her thanks before I left her room.

As the attending oncologist, resident, intern, nurse, fellow medical student, and I approached her room later for formal rounds, she called to us.

“I can’t see!” she gasped. “I can’t see!”

We surrounded her bed and the attending began to ask her questions. He waved fingers in front of her face. He directed the beam from his penlight into her eyes.

“I can’t see! No, I can’t see!”

“But you could see yesterday, right?” he asked. She turned her head as if she was looking around at us, but her gaze was over our heads.

“Yes… but I can’t see now. Does this mean that I will never see my husband and daughters again? Is this permanent?”

I tried not to cry. The other medical student and the intern also looked away, their eyes welling with tears.

We learned later that the cancer had metastasized to her occipital lobe, the part of the brain that controls vision. Though her eyes were in good working order, the part of her brain that interpreted the electrochemical signals from her optic nerves was not. The cancer had stolen her sight.

You learn a lot of things in medical school: anatomy, physiology, pharmacology, and other concrete facts about human function. You also learn about human relations, communicating with people with different agendas, the system of health care, and other topics that fall under the “informal curriculum“.

You also learn how tenuous life is. You see women give birth to dead babies. You see children succumbing to cancer. Healthy adults get hit by stray bullets and drunk drivers. Heart attacks and strokes steal time and life away without making a sound.

You begin to recognize the blessings that you previously overlooked: I can eat all the cookies I want and I don’t have to take insulin. I don’t need a walker to get around. My fingertips and toes can feel the soft fur of a cat, the hot water coming out of the shower, and the zing of static electricity. I can breathe without difficulty and without having to lug an oxygen tank around. My arms and legs move when I want them to. My balance is intact.

You also realize, with some dread, that all of that can change in an instant. So you better enjoy the blessings while you got ’em.

My mother was sent to the hospital with urgency the day I returned to California to visit my parents. She was subsequently diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer.

I am grateful that I could advocate for my mother while she was in the hospital. I am also thankful that I could translate what was happening—not just from English to Chinese, but also from medical jargon to plain English—to my parents.

I was struck by the degree of confusion and uncertainty throughout her hospitalization. Things that I knew as a physician were not at all obvious to my parents. Things that I knew as a concerned family member were not at all obvious to the physicians.

I was and remain humbled.

As a consequence of this, upcoming posts will focus on how health care in hospitals work, what hospitals can do differently to help patients understand what is happening, and things that both medical staff and patients can do to make the hospital experience better for everyone.

Categories
Nonfiction Observations

Boundaries.

A bus approached the curb and I looked up from my book. It took me a few seconds to realize that he was talking to me.

“Dr. Chang? No, Dr. Wang. It’s Dr. Wang, right?” he called. He slowed the pace of his walk. In one hand he clutched a plastic bag filled with loose papers. A backpack bounced against his shoulders. Though it was a crisp autumn day, he wore only a tee shirt one size too large for his frame and had tied the arms of a jacket around his waist. The hems of his jeans were frayed.

“Hi,” I greeted, trying to recall his name. I hadn’t seen him in nearly six months. He stopped and extended his hand to shake mine. His skin was softer than I had anticipated.

“Dr. Wang, I don’t like how they’re treating me at The Clinic,” he began. “They don’t know what they’re doing and I’m done with them. I think they’re working with the FBI, Dr. Wang, but I can’t do anything about that. I don’t feel safe in my apartment and they know this. They’re bugging my apartment. I don’t know what the FBI is looking for, but would you want to live somewhere that is bugged? I don’t. I’m done with The Clinic, Dr. Wang, I really am. What do you think I should do?”

He stood still, waiting for an answer.

Pedestrians filed past. Buses roared along the street. An occasional yellow-orange leaf fluttered to the ground. A dozen people looked down the avenue, looking for their bus to whisk them away.

I opened my mouth, still uncertain of what to say—

“I’m sorry,” he interjected. “You’re not here to provide psychological help right now.”

Before I could reply, he began to turn his body away from me.

“I’m sorry, Dr. Wang.”

He began to walk away as the bus I wanted approached the curb. Before stepping towards my bus, I looked back at him.

“Have a good day, Dr. Wang!” he called, waving at me. I waved back.

As I boarded the bus he looked back as he continued to walk forward. Over the heads of the people between us he shouted: “Thank you, Dr. Wang! THANK YOU!”