Categories
Education Homelessness Lessons Medicine NYC Policy

Involuntary Commitment (I).

It’s winter in New York City. The temperature is hovering around 32 degrees Fahrenheit. Large, slushy snowflakes are falling from the pewter sky.

You are already familiar with this woman; you had met her the previous Spring. No one is sure of her age, but she looks over 65 years old. She had said that she had immigrated to the US when she was in her 20s because she had a scholarship to a prestigious university. Something interrupted her schooling. She ultimately stopped attending classes and hitchhiked here. She’s been homeless on the streets of New York ever since.

She has never shared her date of birth for fear that the government would use that information against her. It’s not clear if her stated name is really her name. She’s a familiar figure in the neighborhood; people regularly give her styrofoam bowls steaming with hot soup, sandwiches wrapped in white butcher paper, shiny cans of soda, and cups of coffee. Some people have been giving her food for the past ten years. Upon receipt she murmurs, “Thank you,” and nods her head on her slender neck.

She never makes eye contact. The irises of her eyes have grey halos and her gaze is usually over your right shoulder. You’ve tried to learn more about her past, what led to her homelessness, and her interest in housing, but she usually ends the conversation and walks away. One time before bidding you good-bye she did comment, “The government secrets are safe with me.”

People in New York walk past her everyday while she sleeps and never realize it: She buries herself underneath black garbage bags stuffed with paper. What looks like a mountain of trash on the curb or underneath scaffolding is actually her private fort.

“The paper keeps me warm,” she has said. To prove her point while the autumn winds sent the dying leaves swirling through the air, she rolled up a sleeve of her parka to reveal wads of newspaper crumpled in her clothing. At times she donned a hat made out of a paper bag and stuffed it with newspaper to warm her head.

It is not yet 10am on this snowy morning and the weather forecasters predict that the storm will worsen as the day goes on. The snow is already sticking to the sidewalk. Over six inches are predicted to fall in the next few hours.

Today, the woman’s camp is underneath the short awning of the back door of a clothing boutique. Underneath her is a flattened cardboard box, the corners already beginning to darken and soften from the snow. On top of her are only four or five garbage bags, fewer than what usually covers her. Upon hearing you, she sits up and her face, as expected, does not show any expression.

Her parka is unbuttoned and underneath is a thin white shirt with a tattered collar. The skin of her neck is mottled and red.

“There’s a snowstorm coming through, it’s supposed to be pretty bad. Would you be willing to stay in a shelter until it’s done?” you ask.

“No, I’ll be fine.”

“It looks like you’re cold; you don’t have as many bags as you usually do and your skin is turning red. We don’t want you to be outside when it is this cold out,” you try again.

“I’m fine.”

“We worry that if you stay out here, you might get frostbite.”

“I’m fine.”

“Where have you gone in the past when there were big snowstorms?”

“I’m fine.”

Meanwhile, snow is beginning to collect on her coat, her bags, and in her hair. She makes no motion to move.


Does this woman have a mental illness? Does she need to be sent to the hospital for psychiatric evaluation? If she doesn’t want to go to the hospital, should she be forced to go to the hospital against her will?

Categories
Education Homelessness Lessons Medicine Observations

When I Grow Up…

When I grow up, I want to be a drunk.

I want to wake up feeling restless and uncomfortable. It’ll be neat to drag myself out of bed to open that first bottle of wine. I’ll drink all of it within an hour. Then I’ll go to the liquor store. The guy behind the counter will know that, everyday, I will buy a pint of vodka from him. He will look at me with stony eyes, which will make me feel even more restless and uncomfortable. What he doesn’t know is that I will also get two more bottles of wine and a case of beer from the grocery store before I return home. As an adult, I want my sole coping skill to consist of getting drunk.

When I grow up, I want to get fired from all of my jobs because I am frequently drunk. I can’t wait for my boss to call me into his office because my coworkers smell alcohol on my breath. It’ll be fun to make an a$$ of myself while working because I just can’t stop myself from drinking that bottle of wine in the morning.

When I grow up, I want strangers to see me doubled over a tree planter with vomit on my shirt. I look forward to police officers shouting at me to get the f-ck up and move along. I am eager to see the disdain and disgust of the firemen and paramedics when they realize that the 911 call was, yet again, for me. I can’t wait to hear the doctors and nurses in the emergency rooms say things like, “Oh, not him again. I’m so tired of seeing him. He’s taking up a bed that could be used for someone who is really having an emergency.”

When I grow up, I want to ruin all of my relationships because I am a drunk. I look forward to destroying property and scaring my girlfriends. I can’t wait for my wife to request a restraining order against me because I’ve threatened to kill her one too many times. It’ll be great when my parents and siblings never invite me over to their houses because they think my behavior is out of control. I can’t wait to achieve that level of isolation and notoriety.

When I grow up, I want to spend a lot of time in jail. I look forward to receiving charges of public intoxication, disorderly conduct, assault, and battery. I can’t wait to collect warrants because I was too drunk to show up for my court dates. It’ll be fun to bounce in and out of jail and frequently apologize to of all of my probation officers. It’ll be neat to lose my housing because I couldn’t pay my rent while I was in jail. Homelessness will be a delight!

When I grow up, I want people to judge me because of my alcohol problem. I look forward to people hating me because they believe that I choose to drink alcohol to the point that I can’t function. It’ll be exciting to realize that people believe I am useless and a waste of a human being.

When I grow up, I want to hate myself because I am a drunk. It’ll be fun to feel constant shame and complete lack of control over myself or anything else. I can’t wait to experience unending self-loathing and disappointment. And how thrilled I will feel when I realize that the only thing that makes me feel better in the moment is drinking more alcohol.

Categories
Homelessness Lessons Medicine Observations

Saying Good-Bye.

I originally wrote the post below over five years ago. It’s about a teenager I worked with for about six months at a residential treatment center. I still think about him from time to time; I hope that he was able to exit the mental health system.

A few months later, I learned that, less than 24 hours after we said good-bye, he injured himself while destroying property. He apparently threw chairs, punched walls, and tried to knock over bookcases and other pieces of furniture. There was no obvious trigger. It took four adults to subdue him. Staff commented that he had not behaved this way in over two years.

“That’s how he dealt with termination,” a staff psychiatrist murmured.

I’m still not sure if I agree with him.


I’m still not completely sure of the optimal way to proceed with termination.

Termination refers to the end of the therapeutic relationship between patient and physician (or, more specifically, psychiatrist). There are essentially three ways termination can occur:

  • Patient exits the relationship (patient stops attending appointments; physician fires patient; s/he dies)
  • Physician exits the relationship (s/he dies; patient fires the physician; physician disappears)
  • Patient and physician mutually agree on a final appointment date and time and complete the session

Ideally—for both parties—the last option occurs. This allows “closure”. And, no, I’m not entirely sure what comprises “closure”, but the lack of “closure” is why many break-ups suck. Think about it: Break-ups are uncommonly mutually agreed upon events; usually one party decides to unilaterally bail, resulting in negative emotions all around.

In therapy, we do not want to recreate break-ups; instead, we want to model and engage in the graceful end of effective and meaningful relationships. (Psychobabble.)

Saying good-bye is difficult. The white coat-wearing medical doctor within the psychiatrist bristles at the idea of termination; there is something about our medical training that promotes the idea (“virtue”?) of emotional distance and independence from our patients. So many things about our profession (both intentionally and unintentionally) facilitate this: Doctors wear white coats. Doctors wear gloves. Doctors ask a lot of questions, but rarely answer any. Doctors aim for objectivity and evidence.

So when we psychiatrists terminate with patients, the experience is weird and we are often surprised with how difficult it can be.

It’s never too early to initiate termination, so I had informed the adolescent male three months prior to our last appointment together that our time was drawing to a close. At the time, Andrew said nothing.

It’s not that he didn’t have anything to say about it; I had learned by this time that he heard practically everything I said, even though his behavior often purposely suggested that he was ignoring me.

A month prior to last our last appointment together, I reminded him again of my departure.

“Have you seen that Geico commercial? You know, the one with the little kid imitating a monster?” he replied.

As the days passed, he spontaneously mentioned the limited time we had together, though he tossed his remark within a smokescreen:

“I can’t believe that happened; it kinda makes me sad. You and I have three sessions left; we have to make the most of them. So I think I am going to try asking her again, maybe when she’s not so depressed, but it’s hard to tell….”

And that’s the way it had been the entire time we spent together; he would share bits of himself—often only a sentence here, another one there—at random intervals. Sometimes he would acquiesce if I asked a few questions to clarify his remark; most times, he simply changed the subject. One day, I called him on it.

“You’re really good at changing the subject when I ask you questions.”

“Yeah, I know,” he nonchalantly conceded, “I don’t like it when people care about me. It makes me feel weird.”

And when I tried to ask him more about that, he promptly commented on the weather. I smiled—sadly—at him.

The last time I saw him, he greeted me warmly.

We learn in the course of our training that therapeutic termination includes reviewing the time spent together and commenting on progress and goals attained. It’s like a summary statement, an opportunity to reflect upon how the patient has changed and how the patient can continue to effectively pursue his goals.

I already anticipated that, though he would hear my monologue of the above, he would not respond. My hypothesis bore true.

I commented on our very first meeting and what he stated were his goals at that time.

“Did I tell you the joke about the buffalo?”

I continued to commend him for the significant progress he had made in several spheres.

“What did the mother buffalo say to her kid as he left for school?”

I then reiterated his strengths—he had so many: he was so good with people; his integrity was admirable; he was intelligent and thoughtful; he was fiercely independent and more than capable of taking care of himself.

“Bi-son!”

I expressed my hope to him that he would continue to pursue his dreams—I was (and still am) confident that he could reach all of them.

“How about the one about the cowboys?”

I looked at him, willing him to participate in the conversation—but I knew saying good-bye was not his strong suit. His parents had abandoned him when he was young; there was no such thing as a “healthy” good-bye in his experience.

“Because they are too heavy to carry! HA!”

“Take care of yourself,” I said, patting his shoulder. “Good-bye, Andrew.”

He had already started to walk away when he answered, “All right.”

I watched his lanky figure amble down the hallway. I then quickly turned to go.

Categories
Education Homelessness Medicine Nonfiction NYC Observations PPOH

Daily Schedule: Homeless Outreach Team.

A sample agenda as the consulting psychiatrist with a homeless outreach team:

8:17am. Arrive at the office, which is in a tall building that is a short walk from the New York Stock Exchange. Speak with the case managers and social workers about who should be seen that day.

8:55am. Walk with a case manager to the ferry terminal meet Paul[1. All patients described here are composites of people I have seen across time.], who is a young man the outreach team has seen over the past two weeks, particularly in the early morning. Paul has said that he lives with his father in Washington Heights. When asked why people see him at the ferry terminal at night, he only repeats that he sleeps in his father’s apartment at night and walks the 10 miles to and from the ferry terminal every day. He doesn’t say much to people, but he’s often mumbling to himself. The security guards have shooed him out. He returns everyday.

He’s sitting in a chair with a ripped jacket draped over his head. Dirty sweatpants that are three sizes too big hang off of his slender frame. When he hears “good morning, outreach team” for the third time, he slowly pulls the jacket off of his head. His eyes are closed. When he hears “are you okay?” for the second time, he opens only one eye. With some prodding, he says his name, but says little else.

“I gotta go to work,” he says as he gets up. The sweatpants begin to slide down his hips. He’s not wearing any underwear. He starts to walk away and the legs of the sweatpants begin to bunch around his ankles.

“If you want, we can get you a pair of pants that will fit you better—”

He starts to walk faster and does not listen to entreaties to stop. With his left hand he grasps the waistband of his pants and walks down the escalators. He blends into the crowd of people exiting the terminal and is soon on the road outside, walking north.

“That’s Paul,” the case manager says.

“We’ll try again tomorrow.” Provide teaching on different strategies to build rapport—maybe present him with a pair of pants? a package of underwear?

9:20am. Say good-bye to the case manager and hop on a subway and head uptown, but don’t exit the station. On a bench near the rear of the station is Eleanor. She’s been homeless for over twenty years. She’s wearing two jackets and her fingernails are painted pink. No one has ever seen her nails unpainted. They always look manicured.

She’s darning socks with her wrinkled hands. Nearby is her large rolling suitcase, which is open today; inside are more jackets, several pairs of shoes, and two large bags of potato chips.

“Hello,” she says quietly. She smiles. She reports that she is fine, but her back hurts this morning. She wasn’t able to lie down last night to sleep. The security guards frequently asked her to move.

“You could move into a small apartment where security guards wouldn’t bother you. It would be your own space.”

“Oh, but I can’t,” Eleanor says. “They will exterminate me if I do that.”

She’s said this consistently over the past seven months.

“The alien transmissions—they use the satellites—tell me that I’m not allowed to move inside. They’ll exterminate me if I do. They’ll use electrocution. I don’t want to be exterminated. I can’t.”

With much coaxing, she’s actually been able to visit a housing project to see a studio apartment, but she refused to actually step into the room.

“I’ll get exterminated.”

She also declines to take any medication.

“The only medicines that work are potato chips and chocolate. Dark chocolate works better than milk chocolate. I feel better when I eat chips and chocolate.”

It’s hard to argue with that. She declines housing again today, but she’s open to another visit later on in the week.

10:00am. Get back on the subway and get off at the stop two stations away. Climb the stairs out of the station. Barry is sitting cross-legged in front of the bodega. He’s rocking back and forth while smoking a cigarette. Barry says he’s been homeless for the past eight years and the bodega owner says that Barry has been sitting out there for the past five years.

“I’m sorry,” Barry greets. A stranger leans over and leaves a deli sandwich and coffee for him. Barry mumbles, “Thanks.”

The dirt on his arms and hands indicate that he hasn’t showered in several weeks, maybe a month. Dirt is packed underneath his fingernails and bits of food are stuck in his beard. His fingertips are yellow and knobby with callouses.

“I gotta get back to work, I gotta get back to work,” he says, pointing at the building across the street. “I think my boss would give me a job again, I did good work while I was there, I did good, I did good.”

Barry also declines housing again today. “I gotta get a job first before I get an apartment. A man’s gotta work first, he’s gotta work, I gotta get back to work.”

The office receives his monthly cheques for disability (schizophrenia), but he won’t withdraw any money. His bank account has tens of thousands of dollars in it. He could afford to rent a small room, but he won’t do it. He can’t say why.

“It’s starting to get cold. If you don’t want to move inside, can I at least bring you a jacket or two?”

Barry stubs out the finished cigarette. He stops rocking.

“Yeah, sure,” he finally says.

11:00am. Team meeting. Discuss progress on different clients the team is following. Two people moved into transitional housing in the past week! One moved into permanent housing. People are excited about the individual who moved into permanent housing because he was homeless for over ten years. He often shouted at and hit himself for sins he said he committed. Despite that, everyone liked him, including the police, because he also had a sharp sense of humor. He also fed the pigeons every day.

He refused to move inside for over a year. After multiple visits to the housing project, he finally said he would give it a try. It’s been three days and he hasn’t left. Sounds like he was adjusting fairly well to his new digs, but he still sleeps on the floor.

12:00pm. Lunch. Chart the encounters in the morning.

12:45pm. A case manager brings a man to the office who is willing to sit for a psychiatric evaluation. A plastic bag hangs from the man’s hand. Inside is a brown paper bag that holds two 24-ounce cans of beer. One of them is open. He looks down at the bag.

“I won’t drink this now. Please don’t throw them away.”

He’s been homeless for four years. He was sleeping on the floor of the pizza parlor where he worked as a sweeper, but the owner was closing the business because of financial problems. He now sleeps on trains, in subway stations, sometimes in parks. He tries to avoid the shelters because people have stolen things from him.

“I know I have an alcohol problem,” he says, his eyes sad. “It wasn’t always this bad. I don’t know how to stop. Sometimes I think I will never stop, even though I hate waking up in the hospital. Life is too hard. Beer helps me feel better. ”

1:45pm. Charting that encounter. Diagnosis determines what housing he is eligible for.[2. “Diagnosis determines what housing he is eligible for.” This is an example of psychiatrist as an agent of social control.] It’s not clear if he has a “severe and persistent mental illness”. Suggest that he return in a week; the meeting can happen outside if that’s easier. No recommendations for medications right now, but harm reduction in his alcohol use would probably be helpful. He demonstrated insight, but that may not result in behavior change.

1:55pm. Case manager asks for help with a person who lives in a park. Hop into the team vehicle and drive north.

2:20pm. Arrive at the park. The client was there earlier in the day and said that he would be there, but a walk through the park shows that the client isn’t.

Three people by the picnic tables wave hello. The outreach team sees them regularly, though they are not eligible for this program. They have been drinking, but they are not grossly inebriated. They laugh as they tease us for following them around; everyone is now enveloped in the strong fragrance of fruity, sugary alcohol.

They each hold a bottle of beer that sits inside a wrinkled brown paper bag. They offer some. They aren’t offended when their offer is declined.

2:30pm. Walk around the park one more time to find the original client. He’s still not there. Children play with a ball on the lawn, multiple games of chess are in play, students read thin books on park benches, couples hold hands as they walk along the park paths, elderly women sit and watch people walk by. The three people who are drinking alcohol laugh loudly.

2:55pm. Arrive back at the office. A client is sitting in a chair by the door. He says nothing, but he looks upset.

A case manager requests consultation.

“This guy never agrees to come in,” she whispers. “Maybe you could talk with him? He’s been homeless for a long time, but finally agreed to move into an apartment about eight months ago. He was doing fine, even saw the psychiatrist there once or twice… but apparently he’s been sleeping outside for the past two days and won’t say why.”

There are introductions. The man doesn’t want to get up from his seat. He frequently looks at the door during the stilted conversation.

“How are you, Charlie?”

“Fine.”

He learns what the case manger shared. He says nothing.

“How long have you lived there?”

“A few months.”

“What’s it like?

“Noisy.”

“Anything you like about it?”

“It’s warm.”

He suddenly starts talking about the freedom of living outdoors, except the cops harass him sometimes. He also doesn’t like the kids who try to set him on fire. The zombies send them to do that. He’s tired of the zombies.

“Who are the zombies?”

“I don’t know! Stop asking me questions!”

He abruptly gets up. Everyone pauses.

Charlie wipes his mouth on his sleeve. He drops back down into his seat.

“The zombies want me to be homeless. Every day, same thing: ‘You’re a homeless motherf-cker’. Damn!”

He talks more about the zombies and his apartment.

“You wanna try going back this afternoon? We can take you there. It’s starting to get cold out. You mentioned that your apartment is warm.”

Charlie chews on his lip and snarls.

“Let’s get into the car so I can drive you back,” the case manager gently says. He says nothing, but he gets up and walks out of the office. Everyone looks at him.

“You gonna drive me back there now or what?” Charlie mumbles.

3:45pm. Go visit a local church to try again to speak to a young man. No one is certain of his name. He believes the church is his home: The pews are his beds, the altar is his kitchen. He has washed his clothes in the font of holy water. He occasionally yells “in tongues” at parishioners. When security guards have consequently escorted him out of the church, he has tried to “cast the devils out” of them. He notably avoids the church during formal services.

Inside the church, tourists and visitors speak in hushed voices as they walk through the aisles. The security guards nod hello.

The young man is seated quietly in a pew in the chapel. His eyes are closed. He doesn’t respond to whispered entreaties to go outside and talk. He keeps his eyes closed, his hands clasped, and he breathes quietly. Another security guard watches him.

4:05pm. Back at the office. Charting.

5:05pm. Depart the office and get swept into the current of people walking towards the subway stations. Automatically look for people who are homeless along the way. It’s too crowded right now; the homeless can’t find any places in there that offer peace.

Step onto a train and notice a sleeping man holding a tattered backpack to his chest. His clothes are soiled, including his three oversized coats and flimsy cap. The soles of his shoes are ripping off, showing the dingy yellow socks inside.

A lot of people get up so they don’t have to stand or sit near him. Most people don’t look at him.

I do.


Categories
Homelessness NYC Observations

Memorial.

Two weeks had passed before I learned what happened.

I hadn’t seen him in several months. At our last meeting, the trees were full of red and orange leaves. He, as usual, was not interested in talking to me. He was sitting in front of a closed shop.

“Hi. How are you?”

“Fine.”

People in the neighborhood took care of him. Surrounding him were several plastic bags holding neatly stacked styrofoam containers filled with soup. Another bag held several pastries, most of them still wrapped in clear cellophane. Another bag contained many empty, crushed water bottles.

“Anything new happening?”

“No.”

He was old enough to be my father, though he looked like he could be a grandfather. Time had taken away some of his teeth. The joints of his fingers were knobby. Crescents of dirt were caked underneath his nails. He was wearing a different coat.

“You got a new coat.”

“Yes.”

He previously wore a blue windbreaker; now he was wearing a puffy black jacket that was three sizes too big for him. His thin neck poked out above the collar. The jacket was unzipped and showed the soiled white tee shirt he wore underneath.

“Any more thoughts about going inside for the winter?”

“Not now.”

People were starting to gather around us. In that particular neighborhood, passersby routinely stopped and gawked whenever I spoke with people who appeared obviously homeless. They were staring at us, their mouths hanging open, their faces perplexed.

“Can I help you?” I barked at them, doing nothing to mask the irritation in my voice.

In response, they closed their mouths, turned away, and walked on. (Related: One of the fastest ways to get people in New York to stop looking at you is to say, “Hello!”)

“Where are you sleeping now?”

“In the park.”

Sometimes he slept in a box. He usually slept on a flattened box, and it often wasn’t in the park. People had seen him underneath nearby construction scaffolding. Others saw him in the subway station, though he didn’t seem to use the subways at all.

He said that he had been outside for “a while”. Records from the shelter and from concerned citizens in the neighborhood suggested that he had been outside for at least 20 years.

“I know you’ve heard this before, but just humor me: You don’t have to stay outside. You can stay in a small studio apartment where they serve two meals a day, you can store your belongings there—”

“I’m okay.”

I felt for him. I wouldn’t want to talk to me if I were him.

When homeless people disappear from their usual locations, I wonder: Have they moved to a different neighborhood? Were they arrested and now in jail? Did they find a place to live? Are they in a hospital?

I often never find out.

This man had died. He contracted pneumonia and was in an intensive care unit for about a week. Was there a code? Did the physicians withdraw care? If so, who made that decision? Was anyone with him when he died?

There was no funeral. There was no memorial. Did anyone from the neighborhood notice that he was gone? Did any of those people who gawked at us notice his absence? Did people assume that he ultimately agreed to go into housing, that he finally changed his mind?

Did anyone think that he had died? Did anyone miss him?