Category: Reflection

Categories
Observations Reflection

On Trigger Warnings.

A reader I respect asked me for my thoughts on trigger warnings.

Per Wikipedia, trigger warnings are “warnings that the ensuing content contains strong writing or images which could unsettle those with mental health difficulties”.

Let’s put aside the last part of that definition, “those with mental health difficulties”, as some articles suggest that trigger warnings are not limited to those with mental health difficulties. Part of me wonders why that fragment is in there.

First, some relevant clinical information, as trigger warnings as described in popular press are commonly paired with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD):

DSM 5 has loosened the definition for trauma. Affected individuals do not have to directly experience the trauma (“exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence in one (or more) of the following ways”). Parameters to describe reactions to the trauma, however, still exist. In a previous post I reviewed the other DSM 5 criteria for PTSD.

The vast majority of people who experience trauma as described in DSM 5 do not go on to develop PTSD. Yes, people may experience symptoms in the days to weeks following the event. Most people, though, incorporate the events into their lives and move on. This is a testament to human resilience.

One of the most effective treatments for PTSD and other conditions related to anxiety and fear is “exposure“, delivered in a gradual process called “systemic desensitization“. For example, if a woman was a victim of rape and has symptoms of PTSD, the therapist and woman build a hierarchy of anxiety-inducing experiences related to the rape. The least anxiety-inducing experience may be her thinking about the facts of trauma. The most anxiety-inducing experience may be her wearing the exact same clothes she wore that day, going to the location where the rape occurred, and describing, out loud, what happened. Something in the middle may be her walking past the location where the rape occurred.

The therapist helps the patient learn coping skills to recognize, acknowledge, and manage anxiety and other uncomfortable reactions. They then work through the hierarchy, from least anxiety-provoking to most anxiety-provoking, until the patient is able to meet and overcome the anxiety associated with the traumatic event.

Do note that avoiding cues associated with the trauma is not included in the descriptions above.

So, back to trigger warnings:

Different people respond to cues in different ways. Some victims of rape don’t have any visceral reactions when they hear or talk about rape. Some do. Some people only have visceral reactions if they smell something from or see certain objects associated with the traumatic event.

Who decides which triggers are worth mentioning and which are not? Does anyone have the right to tell someone else what is a trigger and what isn’t?

People have different capabilities to cope with stress. I mean no disrespect in the following sentence: Some people have never learned how to deal with themselves. They don’t know what to do when they feel angry or sad or frustrated. No one ever taught them what to do with those emotional energies. They have a skills deficit.

Thus, for some people, the best way they’ve learned to take care of themselves is to ask for trigger warnings. That strategy has worked for them and, as a consequence, they continue to use it. The feeling of empowerment is much preferable to feelings of discomfort.

For all of us: You feel the way you feel. It’s neither right nor wrong. People may tell you that you’re overreacting or “too sensitive”, but that’s about them, not about you. You feel the way that you feel.

Emotions aren’t simply reactions. Emotions give us information about the situations we’re in. They help us decide on next steps. We certainly prefer some emotions to others. All emotions, though, serve a function. Avoiding them often causes more problems.

The request for trigger warnings may not represent a need for coddling. It may reflect a need for greater validation. When we feel like no one understands where we’re coming from or what we’ve experienced, sometimes we try harder to make others listen to us with hopes that they will then understand us.

As social creatures we build our identities in relation to others. Context matters. Perhaps the request for trigger warnings is a reaction to the limited support and acknowledgment we received when we experienced trauma. This is an opportunity to not only advocate for ourselves, but also to advocate for others who may still feel uncomfortable expressing their own distress. Feeling empowered is much preferable to feeling uncomfortable.

Do people want trigger warnings because we, as a society, are unwilling or unable to talk about the horror, helplessness, and terror that accompanies trauma?

If people can ask for trigger warnings, that means that they have voices that others can acknowledge, hear, and respond to. What about all the people in the world who don’t have a voice? And are yet unable to escape trauma? The request for trigger warnings can be noble, but does little for others who are currently experiencing and recovering from their own traumas. Not talking about something doesn’t mean it will go away.

Furthermore, the underlying assumption of trigger warnings is that people who have experienced trauma can’t handle life. Not only is this assumption wrong, it is also dangerous.

As I noted above, most people who experience trauma do not develop PTSD. For those who do develop PTSD, they can and do recover. That doesn’t mean that recovery is easy, quick, or painless. Like anything important, it takes time and energy.

Because we build our identities in relation to others, requests for trigger warnings could send the message that people who have experienced trauma will never recover. It can also suggest that people who have experienced trauma are “defective” or, as in the Wikipedia definition, have “mental health difficulties”.

To be clear, there is a role in alerting people to potentially disturbing experiences. Movie ratings do this: That “R” rated movie has violence, nudity, and drug use. This information serves a purpose for parents and viewers of films. If you find the film disturbing, you can use the energy from your own emotional reaction to write a letter of umbrage to the filmmaker, avoid similar films in the future, or tell your friends not to see the movie. However, how you react to the film doesn’t mean that everyone else will react in the same way. It also does not mean that film makers must heed your requests to provide warnings about its content.

Given that people respond to cues and deal with stress in different ways, people have unique emotional reactions to events, and avoidance is not an effective treatment for anxiety and trauma-related disorders, requests for trigger warnings are ultimately short-sighted and will not help people learn about themselves, grow, and recover.

Categories
Nonfiction Reflection

Entitlement.

“Do you have any questions for me?” I asked. It’s how I usually close clinical interviews. It’s also a way to acknowledge how one-sided the interviews are.

“Will you go out on a date with me?” he replied. We were looking at each other through the window of his cell. His face was serious.

“No. Don’t ask me that again.” I want to be clear. There’s no ambiguity in that answer. “Do you have any other questions for me?” Even though I said no, I will still talk to you in my professional capacity.

He said nothing, but now he was frowning.

“Are you angry?”

“Yes, I’m mad. You said no when I asked you out on a date.” His cheeks were now red. He roared, “I HAVE SEXUAL NEEDS, TOO!”

“Good-bye, sir.” He was still shouting racial and misogynistic epithets at me as I left the area.

It’s not his request for a date that was noteworthy. That, unfortunately, has occurred before. It doesn’t happen often.

This is usually how these conversations occur:

SCENARIO 1: “Do you have any questions for me?”

“Will you have sex with me?”

“No. Don’t ask me that again.”

“Okay.”

And the subject never comes up again.

SCENARIO 2: “Do you have any questions for me?”

“Will you give me a blow job?”

“No.” (walking away)

“I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY, I WAS JUST KIDDING….”

These men usually apologize again the next time I see them.

SCENARIO 3: “Do you have any questions for me?”

“When I get out, I’ll take you to that burger place, I’ll buy you a burger and small fries, you can choose Pepsi or Coke—”

“Thank you, but no. That won’t happen.”

“But you can choose your own soda—”

If it comes up again, the requests are benign and may not make a lot of sense.

What made this man’s reaction noteworthy was his rage.

Nobody likes rejection. We all feel that visceral crushing sensation when we want something and we can’t have it. That crushing sensation is particularly harsh when we can’t have what we want due to arbitrary reasons. Like when a woman declines a date with a man.

This man and I had an interaction in a jail through the door of his cell. It was civil. To me it was a clinical interview. To him it may have been a nice and encouraging conversation. Something about the interaction made him feel comfortable enough to ask me for a date.

(Never mind the cues that indicated that such a request was inappropriate: He was in a jail cell. He knew that I worked as a physician there.)

The men in jail who have asked for dates or sex, though, recognized that they were not entitled to either. Sure, they could ask whatever they wanted. But, they also had the understanding that I could respond however I wished.

This man, though, was furious that I declined his request for a date. His reaction suggested that he could not believe that I had the gall to say no to him. How dare you say no when you were the one who asked me if I had any other questions? You started this. If my role as a physician was to help him, he had ideas as to how I could do that. Boundaries had blurred for him. He disliked that they had not blurred for me.

And, to be clear, this sort of behavior is not a function or manifestation of psychiatric illness. Some people with severe psychiatric conditions have extraordinary manners. Some people without any psychiatric conditions have vulgar manners.

If we look at the entire population of heterosexual men who are talking with a female psychiatrist:

  • Some (most?) men will never think to ask for a date or sex when asked, “Do you have any questions for me?”
  • Some men will think to ask that question, but won’t actually ask it.
  • Some (few?) men will actually ask the question (whether earnest or not), though will not react as this man did.

And, as unpleasant as this interaction was, he did use his words to express his displeasure with me. Would he have shared his thoughts with me had I not asked him if he was angry? There are all the ways this interaction did not play out:

  • He could have spit on the window (and if the window wasn’t present, his saliva would have landed on my face).
  • He could have hit or punched the window.
  • He could have reached through the open slot in his cell door and grabbed me.
  • He could have thrown something—wet or dry—at me through the open slot.

What would have happened if this interaction had occurred outside of the jail?[1. As I write often here, context matters. Some behaviors occur in jail because of the jail. When you are deprived of your freedom and must spend time in an uncomfortable place with limited to no privacy and nothing to do, you may find yourself behaving in uncharacteristic ways because you are angry or bored… or just because you can.]

He might have walked away.

He might have grabbed me to demonstrate his power and elevate his status.

He might have hit or punched me to express his rage.

He might have grabbed me and taken what he wanted.

Categories
Education Nonfiction Policy Reflection Systems

A Review of the National Council for Behavioral Health Conference.

Those of you who follow me on Twitter already know that I spent much of last week in Las Vegas. I attended the National Council for Behavioral Health Conference, “featuring the best in leadership, organizational development, and excellence in mental health and addictions practice.” Here are my reflections about the experience:

It was large. I have never attended a conference with 5000 other people. I already find Las Vegas overstimulating. Not being able to get away from thousands of people for hours on end was draining for me.

There were many sessions I wanted to attend, but could not. This, of course, was a function of the size of the conference. Humans, thus far, can only physically be in one place and mentally elsewhere. During this conference I often wished I could physically be in two places at once.

The sessions that most inspired me often had little to do with formal behavioral health. Nora Volkow, the director for the National Institute of Drug Abuse, gave a talk about the neurobiology of addictive behaviors. Did I learn anything new? No, only because I had learned this while in medical training. Did she present the information in an engaging and compelling way? Yes.

Charles Blow, an opinion writer for the New York Times, authored a memoir about his youth and past sexual abuse. During his talk he read from his book and shared his reflections about his experience. Did I learn anything new? Nothing obvious that would affect either my clinical practice or policy considerations. He won me over with his personal perspective, grace, and vulnerability.

Susan Cain spoke about introversion and leadership. Did I learn anything new? No, because I had already read her book. Was it nonetheless worthwhile to hear her speak in person? For me, yes.

The conference featured a large session called “Uncomfortable Conversations”. The intention was for Big Names in the field to discuss controversial topics. These included involuntary commitment, confidentiality laws that are specific to substance use disorder treatment that can interfere with clinical care, and the concept of cultural competency. Each pair, however, had less than ten minutes to discuss their issue. The moderator also seemed to speak more than each member of the pair. The session could have been thoughtful, though ended up feeling underdeveloped and unfocused.

Where were my psychiatrist colleagues? I understand that this is my own issue—after all, this was not a physician conference. The National Council, however, is supposed to be the leadership conference for community behavioral health. Are psychiatrists involved in leadership in community behavioral health? If not, why not? [1. As I have noted elsewhere: “Physicians, as a population, don’t advocate for ourselves as much as we should because we’re “too busy taking care of patients”. This is true. However, our busy-ness creates a vacuum where non-physicians step in and make decisions for us. We then express resentment that we have to follow the edicts of people who have never done the work. If we did a better job of regulating and advocating for ourselves, we might not be in this position.” Advocacy in this case is leadership.]

Only two “small” sessions I attended featured physician presentations. One involved the introduction of trauma-informed care into primary care settings. The other discussed a concrete integration of mental health, substance use, and primary care services. In both cases the physicians were family practice physicians. Which, to be clear, is fantastic. We must work across systems to provide good care for individuals and populations. I nonetheless felt both puzzled and disappointed with the lack of psychiatrist representation. [2. To be fair, Nora Volkow and several of the panelists for the “Uncomfortable Conversations” are trained as psychiatrists.]

There was a “medical track” meant for medical professionals. Few of those sessions discussed systems issues or leadership. I had planned to attend one that discussed guidelines for benzodiazepine use, though there was no room by the time I arrived. (One of my colleagues, a psychiatrist, later told me that many attendees were not doctors.)

The conference will be in Seattle next year. My colleagues and I are already discussing what we can present.

A lot of people want to do good. I often comment, “Life is terrible… and life is wonderful.” That people have done good work to help others and want to share what they learned in the process is remarkable. That people continue to strive to provide useful services to people who are suffering is humbling. That people are creating new programs to help solve problems, often rooted in inequality, a variety of disparities, and the randomness of existence, is inspiring.

When we have our heads down in our own work, we often forget that we are part of a system. Though I have critical opinions about the conference, I am grateful that I could attend. May we all seek inspiration and always learn from others.

Categories
Nonfiction Reflection

My Conflicted Relationship with Fried Chicken.

They are clear memories from my youth: After riding our bikes along the beach on warm summer mornings, my parents frequently picked up a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. After we settled into our seats at the kitchen table, I always got the drumsticks and biscuits. My parents both preferred dark meat. My mom would take the cole slaw. My dad enjoyed the mashed potatoes and gravy. Chilled watermelon or papaya completed the meal.

A pot of tea was now on that same kitchen table. The wedding band was loose on my mom’s finger.

“You know why I got cancer?” she asked me in Chinese. Before I could say anything, she replied in English, “I ate too much Kentucky Fried Chicken.”

“No,” I blurted out.

“There’s too much grease in it,” she continued.

“No,” I repeated, now both amused and disturbed that she was attributing her lung cancer to Kentucky Fried Chicken.

“If I didn’t eat so much Kentucky Fried Chicken, I probably wouldn’t have gotten cancer.”

“NO.”

I repeated what the oncologist had told us: It was probably genetics. She was a relatively young, non-smoking, Asian female. Something about all that put her at higher risk of developing non-small cell lung cancer. The Kentucky Fried Chicken had nothing to do with it.

She looked away and sighed. Even though I had a medical degree, I was still her daughter and my statement was a child’s opinion.

“I’m not hungry, but I should eat something,” I said, wiping the snot from my nose with my arm. Less than an hour had passed since I had learned that my mom had died.

When we got home, we pulled the paper containers from the plastic bag and put them on the kitchen table. Tears were trailing down my cheeks and my chest still hurt, but I started laughing as I bit into the fried chicken from Ezell’s.

“I get a senior citizen’s discount,” my dad said, smiling. He put the red tray down between us and opened the red and white box.

“I’m glad,” I replied, smiling back at him. He reflexively gave me the drumstick and the biscuit. I handed him the mashed potatoes and gravy.

“Mmm,” he said between bites. “Kentucky Fried Chicken is good.”

“Mm hm,” I mumbled in agreement while chewing. I’m going to enjoy this fried chicken and cancer can go f-ck off.

Categories
Lessons Nonfiction Reflection

Racial Slurs and Hurt Feelings.

You could feel the air rushing out of her lungs and into your face if she was screaming at you.

“STOP CALLING ME A WHORE! I AM NOT A WHORE, YOU DIRTY N-GGER!”

No one, in fact, was calling her a whore.

“DON’T LIE TO ME, MOTHERF-CKER! I HEAR ALL OF YOU CALLING ME A WHORE! I HEARD IT, JUST NOW!”

Her best defense was a loud offense that included liberal use of racial and homophobic slurs. We winced and asked her to stop when the colorful epithets flew from her mouth. She glared at us, her face red and fists clenched.

Despite seeing her multiple times over the course of two years, she, up to that point, had never made any comments about my race. (I look obviously Asian.) Then, one day, with an audience of a dozen people:

“YOU CAN F-CKING GO TO HELL, DR. YANG, YOU F-CKING CHINK!”

As she stormed out of the building, I grinned and put my arms up in the air in victory.

It’s about time!

Some people immediately expressed their concerns (“I’m sorry she said that”; “Are you okay?”), the distress apparent on their faces.

“It’s okay,” I replied. “I consider it a badge of honor.”

“Yeah, but that still must hurt.”

I shrugged. I felt amused, not hurt. I didn’t need them to take care of me.

They, of course, had good intentions. There was just so much they didn’t know:

That one time when my parents and I were biking along a dry river bed. I was eight years old. Two young men, both white, began trailing us. They began to shout things at us that I didn’t understand. They didn’t seem friendly.

“Stay between your mom and me,” my dad instructed in Chinese.

“Don’t say anything back to them,” my mom added.

For the next half hour, they continued to follow us. They continued to shout things at us. They often laughed.

They followed us to the parking lot and continued to shout things at us as my parents loaded the bikes into the van. As my dad drove away, they threw something at the car.

That one time I was pleading again with my mother to leave the Girl Scout troop. I was nine years old.

“I don’t want to go anymore!” I said in English.

“No, you have to go. It’s a good activity and you learn how to get along with others,” she replied in Chinese.

“But I don’t fit in. I just don’t fit in!” in English.

“Of course you fit in. You go to school with the other girls, you know all of them, they’re all good kids—” in Chinese.

“That doesn’t matter. I don’t look like them, I don’t act like them, we don’t do the same things. I don’t like it. I don’t fit in!” in English.

Silence.

“You don’t fit in,” my mother said in her thickly accented English. There were at least ten girls in the troop. I was the only person of color. Her face was no longer stern.

“Okay,” she said. It’s a word that is used in both English and Chinese.

That one time when my parents and I were walking through a parking garage. It was a hot day and a convertible with its top down approached us. The group of white guys in the car shouted “KONNICHIWA!!!” at us; we could hear them laughing as they roared past.

“WE’RE NOT JAPANESE!” I shouted back. I was ten years old. My parents shushed me.

That one time when I used my fingers to briefly transform the Asian monolids of my eyes into something that resembled double eyelids.

That one time became multiple times over the course of several months. One day, I didn’t have to manipulate my eyelids anymore: My double eyelids remained stable. My eyelids sort of (but only sort of) looked like the eyelids of the girls in Teen Magazine.

I was twelve years old.

We all have ways in which we don’t fit in, in which we’re different. We all have also learned how to take care of ourselves when others antagonize us for being different. We wouldn’t be who we are today—for better or for worse—if we didn’t have those unpleasant experiences.

No, it didn’t hurt when she said the slur. Other things have hurt much more.