Categories
Medicine Nonfiction Observations Reflection Systems

What Doctors Look Like.

I don’t remember her name, but I do remember her light brown hair, the simple nose ring that looped out of her left nostril, and the calm and centered presence she had with patients. She came across as unassuming, professional, and caring. We were both in medical school, though she was two years behind me. I admired how she treated people.

I don’t remember his name, but I do remember that he worked as a nephrologist (kidney specialist). He had a slight paunch and frequently wore dress shirts with short sleeves. The knots of his neckties were always loose. Students regarded him as an excellent teacher who revealed the mysteries of the kidney with tireless enthusiasm.

The nephrologist and I, among others, taught a course for junior medical students. Someone praised the bedside manner of this calm and centered medical student. The nephrologist interjected, “That might be true, but she doesn’t look professional. It’s the nose ring. Physicians shouldn’t have nose rings.”

I didn’t say anything in response. He was still an attending physician and I was just a medical student. His comment struck me: Did it really matter what doctors look like?

I have thought about that snippet over the years. Did he ever give her that feedback ? If he did, how did she take it? Did anyone else find his remark curious? Did any of the other attending physicians disagree with him? If they did, why didn’t they speak up?


After I became an attending physician and navigated ongoing perceptions of what I “should” look like, more questions have come to mind:

What if the medical student was a white male and had a nose ring? Would the nephrologist have made that comment? (Probably?)

What if the medical student was a stellar student and demonstrated clinical excellence? (My impression is that she did well in her coursework and that the comment about her nose ring was in the vein of, “If only she didn’t have the nose ring….”)

What if the medical student wore the nose ring for cultural reasons? Would that have mattered to the nephrologist?

What if the nephrologist learned that certain populations of patients were more likely to trust her than with him because of the nose ring?

What did the nephrologist think doctors should look like? (Clearly, he did not think they should wear nose rings.) How did he learn what doctors should look like? Who determined the definition of “professional” in the world of medicine?


Did it really matter what doctors look like? To medical students, of course it did. When we started our clinical rotations, we saw the attire of resident and attending physicians: Think Banana Republic or J. Crew, with the requisite long white coat on top. So what did we all do? We started shopping for “professional clothes”, except few of us had the money to buy stuff from Banana Republic or J. Crew. We cobbled together outfits from shops we could afford.

The pressure to conform, however, went beyond what we wore. There was only one female trauma surgeon who worked with medical students and, while students spoke well of her, resident physicians sometimes remarked that she was “too emotional”. During operations, male surgery fellows told female medical students, “You should feel this lung now, since you’re probably going to go into pediatrics or family practice.” Many of the attending physicians were heterosexual white males. Those of us who were not—men of color, women with or without nose rings, those who identified as LGBTQ—navigated how to conform to the values and behaviors of heterosexual white males, such as the nephrologist. Though some of these values and behaviors have no clinical relevance (e.g., wearing a nose ring does not affect how a physician washes her hands, gathers a history, or conducts a physical exam), they do affect how one goes through medical training. If enough attending physicians make comments about the nose ring, you might stop wearing it, even though the nose ring is something you value as a person.

What do you do, though, when the issue isn’t a nose ring, but your skin color? sex? accent? sexual orientation? culture?


When surveying the community, many people comment that they feel more comfortable working with health care professionals who look like and share the same experiences as them. Many women, for example, prefer to work with female gynecologists. People who speak languages other than English often feel more comfortable working with physicians who also speak the same language. Americans who are not white often comment that it is often easier to talk with non-white physicians about health concerns.

People with tattoos and nose rings may find it easier to talk with a physician with a nose ring. If the goal is to help keep people healthy and living the lives they want to lead, is it fair to say that nose rings are unprofessional? If the physician with a nose ring is able to connect with her patients and thus serves her community, should we indoctrinate her with the idea that nose rings are unprofessional?


Out of habit I still wear slacks and dress shirts when I see patients. I was trained that I should dress a certain way to both show respect to my patients and demonstrate that I am a professional.

The only time I did not routinely dress in slacks and dress shirts was during my time doing outreach to people who were sleeping outside. Part of this was due to function—it’s much easier to jump over puddles and slide past chainlink fences in jeans and a sweatshirt—but part of this was also because a doctorly outfit was often a liability in these settings.

How would you react if, while eating lunch outside, someone wearing a white coat and a stethoscope around her neck came up to you and asked, “Hi. How are you doing? Are you okay?”

Feedback I often received throughout my medical training (and continue to receive now) is that I do not speak up enough during rounds and related meetings.[1. Even though this post is over one thousand words, it’s true: I actually don’t talk much when working.] My seeming reticence partly reflects my introversion; it also reflects Chinese Confucian values. Medicine has trained me to talk more. I will never know if my taciturn tendencies have caused more problems for my patients (I hope not), though we all appreciate someone who is willing to listen.

And while I am sure that the nephrologist would have disapproved of unnatural hair colors, I can’t count the number of times vulnerable people with significant psychiatric symptoms were willing to talk to me simply because of my locks of curious color. This holds true even for people without any psychiatric symptoms.


I trust that the medical student who wore the nose ring has become a fantastic physician. I wonder if she still wears a nose ring. I hope she still does.

One way we recognize physicians is by their white coats. The rest of it—sex, skin color, accents, nose rings, tattoos, hair color, age, height, weight, etc.—shouldn’t matter.


Categories
Observations Systems

Devastation and Vulnerability.

We are all devastated that children died. Again.


Even though we know that the causes are complex, we want to reduce the issue down to one factor.

“There’s not enough access to mental health services!”

“Agencies with oversight didn’t do their job when they learned concerning information!”

“We need gun control!”

It’s complicated.


We are all devastated that children died. Again.

When kids of color die in mass shootings, do they get the same front page headlines? prime time coverage? threaded tweets with tens of thousands of likes?


Many people who own guns never shoot people. They never craft plans to kill other people. They don’t have impulses to kill themselves.

Is it fair to blame only guns and take them away from people who own them, when most are responsible citizens?[1. To be clear, I do support more regulation on firearms. It is possible to support responsible gun ownership AND gun reform.]


Many people with psychiatric disorders never kill people. They never craft plans to kill other people. They don’t have impulses to kill themselves.

Is it fair to blame only psychiatric disorders and the people who experience them, when most are responsible citizens?


We are all devastated that children died. Again.

Many have expressed displeasure with the wide and toothy smile in the photo, his thumb extended for all to see.

Is it fair to blame only him and his administration, when nearly 63 million people voted for him? Most of whom are responsible citizens?


We are all devastated that children died. Again.

This devastation is a reaction to learning the news that young people died through no fault of their own.

Was the murderer’s decision to kill young people at a school a reaction to something else? Was it a self-contained reaction, a reaction born solely of the release and reuptake of serotonin and dopamine and epinephrine and acetylcholine?

Or was it a reaction to the trauma that all young people experience as they live through the cruelties and injustices of the world?

Why was this—killing students with a gun—his reaction?

What is the reason behind your reaction to him?

Or is your reaction due to multiple reasons?


Are we all blind to the hubris of blaming one thing, one condition, or one person? How are we so sure?


We are all devastated that children died. Again.

To sit with our devastation, to embrace it and understand how it affects us, to witness how it shapes what we say and do, is hard. To acknowledge that our emotions don’t feel under our control, to realize that feeling pain makes us vulnerable, is hard.

It’s hard for everyone else, too.

We must accept and respect the vulnerability in ourselves and others if we want our reactions to change. Only then will the devastation will stop.


Categories
Homelessness Nonfiction Policy Systems

How to Prevent All of This?

Some of the people under my care in the jail right now are quite ill. (This statement is always true, but it seems that the intensity of illness is greater now than usual.) As a result, the perennial question seems more urgent now: Is there any way to prevent All of This?

For some of them, it seems that the answer is No. Some of them sought out psychiatric services, attended appointments regularly, and had good working relationships with their physicians and therapists. They shared their concerns with friends and family members; they sought out help when they started feeling overwhelmed. Despite these relationships and support, they allegedly did things that resulted in significant criminal charges. And now they’re in jail.

For some of them, the answer might be Yes. Maybe if they had more people they trusted in their lives; maybe if they had a better connection with the counselor or doctor they saw that one time; maybe if their friends and family had more time and resources to seek help with and for them.

Then again, for some of them, the answer might be No, but for frustrating and sad reasons. Maybe their friends and family did everything they could to help them, but they didn’t want their aid. Maybe they became so fearful for their safety that they withdrew from everyone and, in isolation, their symptoms became worse. Maybe they believe that they are fine; it is the rest of the world that is confused and ill. Maybe their only experience with psychiatrists was involuntary hospitalization: Who wants anything to do with a system that takes away your rights and forces you to accept medication?

Some of these people are so young. To be clear, it’s troubling whenever someone of any age ends up in jail solely because of psychiatric symptoms. But can you imagine being 18, 19, or 20 years of age and landing in jail in the midst of hearing incessant, taunting voices, believing disturbing things that simply aren’t real, and having no visitors because the few people who are in your life are scared of you?

It’s heartbreaking.

At least these individuals come to clinical attention. And many get better: They form relationships; they talk with my colleagues and me; they learn how to get along with others; they reflect on what has happened and how to avoid similar consequences in the future; some take medication to help reduce their symptoms.

But then I think about all the people who never encounter law enforcement and never enter the criminal justice system, but they also experience significant symptoms. How do we prevent All of This for:

  • the man who doesn’t tell anyone any personal information and stuffs his tattered clothes with plastic bags to stay warm
  • the woman who won’t move indoors because she believes that the aliens will execute her if she does so
  • the woman who won’t leave her house because she believes her neighbors are cannibals
  • the man who sits all day on the sidewalk across the street from his old employer because he believes that he will get his job back

What about them? How do we help those individuals when the system ignores those who cannot or will not play by the rules?


Many mornings I see the same woman standing near a bus stop. The bus stop is covered, but she never stands underneath the awning. She stands behind the bus stop, even when it’s raining.

You can smell her—a mixture of sweat, dirty socks, and yeast—from several feet away. Pedestrians move around her the way water swirls away from large rocks on the riverbed.

Two black garbage bags sit at her feet. They are full. Plastic zip-lock bags poke out of one of them.

She is a young woman of color. She wears a dark hoodie that is too large for her slender frame, but it’s not zipped up all the way. She’s not wearing anything underneath the hoodie, not even a bra. An unwashed skirt smeared with dirt covers her legs. Her mangled sandals reveal that she has not clipped her toenails in many months.

She talks to an unseen audience and everyone can hear what she says. Her voice is rich and though her sentences do not make sense, she speaks with dignity.

The other morning the rain wasn’t the usual mist that falls from Seattle skies. The droplets were full and heavy, a shower of dark water as the sky was filling with grey light.

No one was standing in the bus shelter. Her clothes were already damp.

“Excuse me?” I asked. She had raised an arm to make a point in her discussion.

She fell silent and blinked a few times.

“Do you want to move so you’re under the bus shelter? So you won’t get wet?”

She turned her head and looked away.

“I can help you move your stuff. It’s raining pretty hard right now.”

She dropped her arm and turned her head further.

“What’s your name? My name is Maria.”

She glanced at me, raised her arm back up, and resumed speaking: “All in all, we must to the left….”

I stood there for a moment, waiting for a sign. None came. I walked away.

Categories
Consult-Liaison Education Medicine Systems

The Social History.

From the notes I read, it seems that other medical specialties limit “social history” to whether or not someone uses tobacco, drinks alcohol, or uses drugs.

“Social history” is meant to get a sense of the context in which people live. Where do they live? Who do they live with? How did they come to live there? Where did they grow up? What sort of work do they do? How much school have they finished? What do they do for fun? What are the important relationships in their lives? etc.

I almost always start my clinical interviews with the social history. There are several reasons why I do this:

One, it’s a more neutral place to start. My hope is that it will help the person feel more comfortable talking to me. Most of these questions are easy to answer, since many of them overlap with social conversation: Where do you live? How long have you lived there? This is also an opportunity to communicate through non-verbal communication: The nodding, the eye contact, and all the other behaviors that show that I’m paying attention and worthy of trust. (“See, it’s not so bad to talk with a psychiatrist.”)

Two, it puts the information the person shares with me into context. If people don’t have a stable place to live, then they have good reason to feel anxious about their safety and exhausted from poor sleep. If someone lives with other people who are struggling with substance use or are often fighting, then this person may not be able to recruit them to help with the tasks of daily life. They may not even feel safe staying with them, but don’t have other choices. One can’t expect someone to take medication on a regular basis when they don’t have enough money to buy food.

Three, if people don’t want to talk to me for whatever reason, the way they stop the conversation is useful information. Sometimes people are paranoid for a variety of reasons—some based in reality, some not—and they shut down the interview. Sometimes people want to talk to me, but they’re exhausted and ask me to come back later. Sometimes people don’t like something about me: my hair (it’s noteworthy how some people respond to my hair), my ethnicity, my clothes, my sex, the way I talk. I can’t change most of those things, and how people respond to all that tells me (1) how I can better interact with them in the future and (2) what might be going on that is causing them to respond this way. And sometimes people don’t want to talk to me because I’m not conducting the interview in a skillful way: Maybe I’m coming across as cranky, uncaring, or judgy.

Four, and most importantly, I want the person to know that I view them as a human being. I wince whenever someone immediately launches into their mental health history: “Okay, I have a diagnosis of schizophrenia and I take Zyprexa and Cogentin….” This tells me that this person got the message over time that no one is interested in him as a person; people only want to know his diagnosis and medications. But people aren’t their diagnoses or their medication regimens. All people have hopes and dreams; they have things they want to do and people they want to be. While a summary statement might make the interview more efficient, it matters whether this person volunteers at the animal shelter every week because he loves dogs or whether he stays at home and watches TV all day. This information is valuable, regardless of his diagnosis.

It takes time to get a social history. Short appointments, though, are short-sighted. It’s much faster to generate diagnoses from labs and studies; it’s much faster to write prescriptions than to listen to patients. If physicians don’t get an accurate history, then physicians are more likely to generate wrong diagnoses. Wrong diagnoses, along with no information about the contexts in which people live, lead to wrong interventions. Did anyone then actually save any time?

Categories
Education Homelessness Medicine Nonfiction Policy Systems

People Get Better.

“What?!” he exclaimed. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” I replied, puzzled.

“That’s… amazing.”

“Yeah, it is.” I paused, finally realizing that he had never heard me talk about this before. “It actually happens a lot. People get better. People get better all the time.”


When I first met him, he screamed at me, his face red, spittle flying from his lips. He refused to believe I was a physician.

“Women can’t be doctors! They can’t!”

He did believe, though, that televisions could control his thoughts.

“They know what I think! When they start talking, they control what I think and what I say and what I do!”

He drew a swastika that covered the entire wall of his jail cell.

“Yes, I believe in white supremacy! But I’m not part of a group!”

He accepted medications on his own. First, the yelling stopped. Then, the swastika disappeared. Drawings of cute farm animals took its place. Within a few weeks, he greeted me with a smile.

“Hi, Dr. Yang. How are you doing today? I hope you’re well.”


He invited me to sit at the small table next to the kitchenette in his apartment.

“You want anything to drink?”

“No, thank you. How are you doing?”

“I’m okay. What do you know about the Mediterranean diet? I want to try that. I want to lose some of this weight.”

After discussing the merits of vegetables and lean proteins as they related to heart health, he leaned back in his chair. He then blurted, “It’s been six months since I smoked a cigarette.”

He never smiled when he shared his accomplishments. His condition prevented him from doing so. I smiled for him.

He resumed musing about dietary changes. I mused about how far he had come: Just 18 months ago he was living on the streets, often snarling at strangers and the voices that only he heard. He came to the attention of the police when he chased a young mother pushing her baby in a stroller. He threatened to beat them with the metal pipe in his hand. The police thankfully sent him to the hospital for care.

“Thanks for seeing me,” he said as he walked me to the door. The voices hadn’t completed disappeared, but he could ignore them now. “I like steak and potatoes, but I’ll try the leafy vegetables.”


He used both hands to smear his own feces on his arms, chest, and belly. He applied toothpaste to his elbows and his knees. I asked him why.

“because it’s protection it’s protection against all of you I shouldn’t be here I’m fine I’m not sick you don’t understand who I am they all know who I am you would be scared too if you knew who I am people know me from way back—”

He began howling at the door.

Within days of him receiving medications, all of that stopped. His jail cell was clean. He took showers. He never spoke of what happened. Neither did I.

I was taking a walk a few months later when I heard someone call, “Hey, Dr. Yang!”

I turned around and saw a group of men in uniform working. This man, suited up like his colleagues, waved at me and smiled.

I couldn’t help but smile—this is fanstastic!—but felt a twinge of embarrassment. Did he know that he had called me “doctor”? What would his coworkers think?

First do no harm. I waved back.

“Nice to see you, Doc,” he continued. “I’m doing good.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Take care of yourself.”

“I will, Doc. Thanks.”


People get better. The science hasn’t yet generated interventions that guarantee that everyone will get better. Furthermore, some people who could get better can’t access care due to barriers related to finances, policy, and other systemic factors.

Until then, we must share both stories and data (try this, this, and this) that people get better. It is amazing, but it shouldn’t be surprising.